My Life

My Dislike for the Greeting Card Aisle

May 11, 2013

*I went looking for this post but realized I never published it. Whoopsie. But it’s another holiday later and I still feel the exact same way. In fact, tomorrow is Mother’s Day and I’ve dreaded going to the greeting card aisle all week. So, at the last minute I consulted Pinterest and found plain, blank, printable cards instead. Yes! They will all be signed with a simple message, sealed up and delivered without all the guilt. Except for my procrastination.*

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I have a hate-hate relationship with the greeting card aisle. It’s safe to say that I’m not a fan. First of all, cards are expensive. If frugality were a love language, that would be mine hands down! 🙂 It pains me to spend $4.99 (+ tax) on a piece of paper with fancy writing just to tell them Happy Birthday. Why can’t I just “say” Happy Birthday?

Yesterday I found myself in the dreaded greeting card aisle once again. Here’s my real beef with Hallmark and American Greetings. They make me feel like a loser and they make my somewhat normal family feel dysfunctional. I mean, let’s be honest, all families are a little bit dysfunctional but mine is partly on the normal side compared to some. We haven’t been on a talk show so I’d say that definitely puts us on the right side of midline.
But these cards are so “lovey dovey” and “you have always been there for me” and “our bond is so strong” and “you mean the world to me” and “you can do anything” and…. do I need to go on? I think you get the point. While I may have feelings for a family member that somewhat resemble these sentiments, there is never a perfect card. Those cards with long paragraphs on all 3 pages never get it right and it makes me feel horrible. I usually opt for funny and then pray that the receiver doesn’t take offense.
Greeting card companies are good at what they do. I heard today that the U.S. spends approximately 1 BILLION dollars on greeting cards for Valentine’s Day. They’ve convinced us that we MUST go out and buy one in order to show our love and devotion to each other. I wish I could find a card that says “I love you but I really don’t like you sometimes. Yet, here I am loving you anyway.” I have a feeling that wouldn’t be a good seller but it’s the truth.
I’m the same way when I receive a greeting card. I always think to myself, “they can’t really mean this.” I’m just not a greeting card girl. I don’t save greeting cards. I keep them for an obligatory week and arrange them on the counter but I’m secretly counting down the days until I can toss it. The one exception to this rule is if hubby has put a handwritten note inside. I save those but wonder to myself why he didn’t just save himself 5 bucks and just write it on a piece of paper. I guess this is my way of announcing to the world (my family and friends) that you are totally off the hook next birthday, holiday, ect. No card required. Use that $5 to buy me some Ferraro Roche or Ghiradelli Peppermint Bark instead. 🙂

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